Yup. Just that.
Skydiving — I saw a show about Iraq war Army widows, and what does the whole gaggle of them do to prove that 1) they’re alive and, 2) darn it, they’re going to really live! ? They go skydiving. And I swear all those numb numbs writing personal ads must have a macro set up to automatically plugs in the phrase “I’ll try anything once…except skydiving!!! LOL!!!” You know what the opposite of risky is? Skydiving. Those parachutes almost always open. Your first couple jumps, you’re strapped to a safety instructor. You aren’t even given a chance to panic, freeze up, and drill a 10’ deep crater in Sheboygan, Wisconsin. So, just shut it about skydiving, okay?
Mr. Popper’s Penguins — I thought penguins were over. I thought Jim Carrey was over. Who asked for this … well, we’ll call it a movie, but everybody — including the people who made it — knows that it’s really just a two-hour respite for parents during which their kids won’t be squalling, whining, shitting themselves, falling down, or begging for gum.
Viral marketing campaigns — Look; I know it’s a digital world. I fucking hate it, but I recognize its existence. But you know what I’m not going to do? Take the time to figure out that the numbers scrawled on a blackboard in a TV commercial are actually the coordinates of a geocache, and if I drag ass out there and dig it up, it will give me the URL to a super secret insiders-only website that will give me clues to what your new movie is about. Bite my bag, okay? You want me to spend $11.95 to see your movie? Then just tell me what the fuck it’s about, and stop wasting my fucking time.
Movies with “Rise of” in their titles — I read the words “Rise of” and my brain automatically substitutes the word “suck”. Have you ever seen a movie with “Rise of” in the title that didn’t suck? I think movie producers think fan boys think any title with a noun preceded by “Rise of” is epic. One hundred percent of the time, they’re wrong. (Rise of the Dark Knight may prove me wrong. Hey, I hope it does. I really do.)
Gender stereotyping in advertising — If you were an alien watching our media, you would assume the following things:
I already hate people, things, and our disgusting consumption-based economy as it is. So I’ll pass on whatever shit you're trying sell me with your broad-stroke advertising, thanks.