Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Big weiner tales

Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.) is accepting “personal responsibility” for using his Twitter account to send pictures of his wang to a 21-year-old college student. I’m sure he and his handlers feel that owning up to his mistake is the best way to control the damage. Problem is, Weiner pulled a Kobe Bryant—he’s spent the last seven days denying the whole thing with ever-changing stories. Remember good ol’ Kobe? First he never even heard of that hotel clerk. Then, she came up to his room, but nothing happened. They just talked, about the merits of Zen buddism, no doubt. Well, okay, he did sex her up a little, but it was totally consensual. Honest! The bruises? It’s all a little hazy… probably rough sex, you know? Okay, maybe he did force her a little, but he’s human, so he hopes his wife will forgive him. Buying her a diamond the size of a baseball and having her prominently display it during his confession/apology press conference super-combo couldn’t hurt.

Same M.O. for Weiner: Last Sunday, he didn’t know nothin’ ‘bout no Twitter pics of his junk. There might be pictures of his junk out there, he told Wolf Blitzer, but the Representative assured CNN that the Twitter picture wasn’t Weiner junk. When he spoke to Rachel Maddow a day later, he admitted that “he didn’t know for sure, but it could be” his erection in the photos. In the next few days, the story morphed from a case of Weiner’s Twitter account being hacked into—he’s a victim, people!—to a case of "I sent her that picture as a joke.” Guess she's an Are You Being Served? person, and Weiner is more of a Larry the Cable Guy type.

So now, Weiner’s sorry. He’s apologizing to his constituents, and of course, to his wife and family. The thing is, he’s really, truly sorry. And he’s not resigning. Because this was a human lapse—who among us has not sent cock pics to college students half our age??—he’s learned from it, and the implication is that he’s perfectly suitable to remain in our government. And frankly, if you call for his resignation, you’re a big mean hater. And probably a Republican whose goal is to damage the House Democrats' reputation.

So, I ask the same thing I asked about Mr. Bryant's halting progression toward The Truth: how many lies are you allowed to be caught in before your confession/apology must also be considered a lie?

1 comment:

  1. Probably as many licks it takes to get to the inside of a tootsie pop. In other words, no one really knows.