Thursday, November 3, 2011

10 things you already know...

... but I feel compelled to remind you of anyway.

1. Mountain Dew is supposed to be neon yellow. That's how it is found in nature. Making Mountain Dew red, or white, is wrong.

2. The news industry has no real interest in keeping you informed.

3. Steve Jobs was not Jesus. He was a visionary, a super successful CEO, and Technology's Brat Prince. But he couldn't have cured your syphilis or brought Snowball IV back from the dead.

4. If you often describe yourself as "you either love me or you hate me! haha", you should be aware that it's most often the latter.

5. Frantic masturbation interrupted by painting little army men will not get you a job.

6. Congress has no real interest in serving the People.

7. Mitt Romney's political platform is somewhat... mercurial.

8. If you bought one of those "Party Pong" kits at the grocery store, the one that isn't Beer Pong, but contains 12 plastic cups and a ping pong ball, then nothing I could say or do would help you.

9. You can't get away with comparing someone to Hitler anymore, or describing someone as a Nazi. Fortunately, people like Hank Williams, Jr., are around to keep reminding us of this fact.

10. The Corn Refiners Association has no real interest in your health.