My wife tells me I need a LinkedIn account. "Nobody gets jobs through classified ads anymore. You're going to have to get a job through social media just like every other modern professional."
Social media can kiss my ass. I don't even know what "social media" is, except that every job description thinks that in addition to building widgets, you should have to write 20 tweets a day... about widgets.
Here's my day. I'm gonna watch porn for about two hours. Walk the dog if she asks, let her sleep if she doesn't. Probably take a nap myself. Paint some little toy soldiers, because that's a whole lot more fulfilling than a job search, which is like getting punched in the dick via email. On a daily basis. Then, maybe an hour before my wife gets home from work, I'll throw in some laundry or run the dishwasher, so it doesn't look like I watched porn all day.
Now there's a Facey Pages update for you! Hey, maybe I'll tweet about it! Guess what? Your life isn’t any more interesting than mine, and I’d surely vomit if I had to read about it.
So yeah, I might be asking a few of you for LinkedIn recommendations soon... may we all burn in hell.
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