Never change, Charlie Sheen. You have to live enough for all of us little people.
I am never going to snort coke nonstop from Wednesday afternoon to Sunday night, boink porn stars like Caprice Anderson and Bree Olson, be frog-marched out of a hotel lobby in handcuffs while wearing no pants, and show up to film a No. 1 sitcom on Monday morning like it ain't no thing.
I can't do these things. But you can.
Do it for me, Charlie!
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