Saturday, January 29, 2011

Be nice to America, or we'll bring democracy to your country

This just in, the Pakistanis really hate us now.

Yesterday, a U.S. consulate worker was driving in his unmarked Honda, and was approached/menaced by two Pakistanis on a motorcycle. (That sounds like the set-up for a joke.) Eyewitnesses report that the men on the motorcycle pointed a gun at the consulate worker, who then produced gun of his own, and shot the two Pakistanis dead. The consulate worker called his coworkers for help, and a black SUV speeding to scene ran over a third Pakistani man.

International correspondents are saying that anti-U.S. sentiment in Pakistan is running at an all-time high.

Now look, Pakistan. First: two of your lawless thugs menaced one of our citizens. Second: Do you really want a piece of America over this? 'Cause I don't think you do. We're a nation of crazy mofos. We value nothing. We kill each other over parking spaces. We originated the term "handgun culture". We re-elected George W. Bush. Have you seen our media? Our children learn all the kill moves to Ultra Super Death Gore Fest Chainsawer 3000 before they learn the alphabet.

So, be nice, Pakistan. We might decide that your people are yearning for democracy.

Ask the Afghanis and the Iraqis how that worked out.

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